Dear Readers,

This week I have such a long and exuberant reader letter that I have room for only the first part of it; more next week! Tune in again, especially you *Bend Over Boyfriend* fans.

Dear Carol,

Anal eroticism has always occupied an important place in driving my sexuality. Most of my fantasies are anal-related and I have always paid great attention to my partners' asses expecting that they will return the favor. To this end, I have always begun by asking for a fingertip against my butt during a hand or blow job, getting then so aroused that I usually overcome my shyness to ask for more. My excitement and pleasure is then so obvious that some of my partners feel surprised. When I share love and trust with a woman, I always try to go a step further and ask for anal licking and/or strap-on play. Doing this while on all fours represents for me the ultimate sexual pleasure, the most powerful, arousing, and satisfying climax. I have only rarely reached this level of play. Most partners' interest in my ass is limited to caressing and fingering, which is frustrating for me.

So, some questions: How can I introduce my female partner to the idea of male anal pleasure, and make her comfortable and curious about it? Sometimes I dream about having a partner who will genuinely suggest doing me anally. My pleasure would be greatly increased if she could share the fun and pleasure of it. Any exciting anal games you can suggest for a man to share with his partner? How can we make strap-on play as arousing for her as it is for me? Can a woman come this way? Any tips or advice? Any ideas about best postures for this kind of sex?

Also, I am concerned about the risk of losing sphincter control. I try to always stay relaxed and use a lot of adequate thick lube.

--Anal Aficionado in France

Dear AAF,

Last question first: You will not affect your sphincter control as long as you don't force anal play - - staying relaxed is, as you have learned, quite important -- and do your PC exercises. The pubococcygeal muscles surround your genitals and anus like a figure eight, and repeatedly tensing and relaxing them will make them strong and also flexible. Find the muscle by stopping your urine in mid-stream; it's your PC that allows you to do that. Some people do this exercise multiple times a day, for dozens of reps each time -- anal athletes! (You'll also appreciate what this does for your orgasms and, very possibly, for the duration of your erections.)

Since you are in France and *Bend Over Boyfriend* is on NTSC only, not PAL or DVD, I'm afraid inspiring your girlfriends via video is out of the question -- unless you can find a video transfer service there that will do explicit material. It might be worth looking for, because both *BOB* videos show women having a hot time using strap-ons with their male partners. A picture is worth a thousand words, they say, and often a moving picture is worth a lot more than that. Your partners would be able to see the real thing -- and I'm sure you would appreciate the videos yourself. Meanwhile, you might want to get a couple of books for yourself and your girlfriends -- I would suggest both _The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women_ and _The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex_. (You can order both from Good Vibrations.) Both will have lots of suggestions about ways to play, positions, etc.

I also recommend exchanging fantasies with your partner -- it's fun to do this while on a walk or over dinner as well as in bed. Ask her what she likes, tell her what you like -- and pay special attention to anything she says that indicates her interest in roleplay or having erotic power. (More about this next time.) Women who eroticize this may really appreciate and get turned on by the sensation of being really sexually active and "in control" -- being the do-er, not the do-ee. Other women may appreciate this kind of play primarily because you love it so much and it turns them on to see you so turned on -- if you have a partner like this, don't forget to also lavish her with the kind of sex she likes the most!

There are indeed ways to give her erotic pleasure while she does you wearing a strap-on; and many women find they can come during strap-on sex, either doing a man anally or with another woman. Some suggestions: She should wear her strap-on tight (this will increase the pressure on her clit as well as her control), and position the dildo so it is over her clit. The rocking motion of thrusting is enough to make some women really happy. Alternatively, she can use a double dildo like the Nexus, which has a shorter end for her to wear vaginally, while the longer end can fit through the ring in the harness and be used to pleasure you. Dildos like the Bobbi Sue and the Treasure Chest hold a vibrator inside; you will be able to feel the vibration anally, and she will feel it clitorally. If she can come in the woman on top posture during intercourse (that is, if she does not need to be lying down, relaxed, in order to orgasm), she may be able to come while using the strap-on, especially if she is quite turned on when play begins. If she comes best while lying down, try this position: She lies on her back, and you sit over her and lower your ass onto her dildo. She thrusts up a little, but you will be in charge of most of the movement. This will also give you the opportunity to experience deeper and more vigorous thrusting, and you're face-to-face as well.

More next week!