Dear Dr. Queen,

Just a thought for the woman whose post-menopausal lubrication needs a boost. Essential oils–of the food variety –are called "essential" because they are. Diet should include flax seed oil and either evening primrose oil or borage oil. Both of the latter are sources of gamma-linoleic acid (or GLA). Along with plenty of water, these healthy fats are vital for keeping our juices flowing. Of the three kinds of estrogen made by the body (yes, both adrenals and ovaries still make estrogen after menopause), estriol is the one that is best for a healthy, symptom-free vagina. It can be prescribed by a savvy doctor (though you may have to educate the doctor!). I have found enormously helpful What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause by John Lee, which explains the remarkable, side-effect-free benefits of natural, yam-derived progesterone cream (Emerita’s Pro-Gest is one of the best); and Natural Woman, Natural Menopause by Marcus Laux and Christine Conrad. Contrary to popular myth, I am finding a deeper, richer femininity as I age, in no small part due to the opportunity offered by the change to know and care for myself more wisely and fully. –Aphrodite

Dear Aphrodite,

Thank you so much for your perspective and the many resources you mention. I should tell readers that I’m not familiar with the books and specific products you cite. Particularly, your point is crucial about using menopause as a catalyst to deeper self- knowledge and self-care. Let me add a little more info (and perhaps a note of clarification) about the oils you mention.

"Essential oil" is a term used to indicate that the oil contains the essence of the derived-from plant–many things are marketed as "essential oils" that are not essential to health (and may not even be edible–many essential oils are used only for their scents). Gamma-linoleic acid is in fact an "essential fatty acid"–these are essential to health, and their dietary absence is associated with a whole variety of maladies. GLA is an antioxidant which protects the body from cell-damaging free radicals; it is converted to prostaglandins in the body. GLA’s positive health effects may include vascular health and improved nerve impulse transmission–both of these effects would make a difference to the postmenopausal woman’s vaginal health and libido, as might another of its common effects: GLA fights skin dryness, including eczema and psoriasis. Hemp fans will be glad to know that hemp seed and oil contains GLA–although smoking hemp may tend to exacerbate vaginal dryness, as I’ve noted here before. Nonvegans may be interested to know that many fish are high in beneficial essential fatty acids, so go ahead and order the salmon.

As with prescription meds, plant oils and other supplements may have strong effects on the body, including unwanted side effects. They should be taken cautiously, after ample research–savvy docs are beginning to get with the program and some decent research is now being done on supplements, but many doctors don’t know the first thing about them and a certain amount of education may be required on your part. Yeah, we don’t pay high insurance premiums to serve as our doc’s continuing education provider, but sometimes it’s simply necessary. Anyway, as you well note, one of our best health strategies may be to take charge of our own health and learn as much about our bodies and our specific health issues as possible.

Dear Carol,

I am thinking I need penis surgery. My cock is only a little over five inches long and that seems so undersized. What advice can you give me? –TooShort

Dear TS,

Your penis is smack-dab in the middle of the range; it’s quite average. If you know how to drive it, it’s capable of provoking thrilling sensations–and it has just about as many pleasure-transmitting nerve endings as it would if it were larger, so don’t go getting surgery. I recommend you learn your penis’ pleasure potential (that it gives you and your partners) and stay away from surgery.

Dear Dr. Queen,

We’d like to be able to recommend your column to pansexuals and polyamorists in the Outer Regions (beyond Northern California). Is it posted online yet? –S.U.N.

Dear S.U.N.,

Why, thanks for asking! As a matter of fact, the Express went online a year or so back, so you can track my column down by visiting www.eastbayexpress.com–in fact, pretty much the whole paper is there, for virtual readers and East Bay emigrants. And Queen of Hearts can also be checked out (along with a monthly sex commentary I write) on the new Good Vibrations online magazine, which is at www.goodvibes.com. While I’m on the topic of moi, I should correct info in an old tag-line that ran in this space last month; it said I was a trainer at San Francisco Sex Information, and so I was, back in the day. To be perfectly self-disclosive, I should say that I’m not working with that organization any longer–my focus is on my writing, my educational work at Good Vibes, and the new nonprofit my partner Robert and I are starting, the Center for Sex and Culture. (Yes, I know, it’s just a grand time to start a nonprofit in the Bay Area. Light a candle for us, will you?)