Dear Carol,

I have a strange problem. I noticed recently, after beginning to use Replens to deal with vaginal dryness (I am well into menopause), that it is fine by itself but when I combine it with sexual lubricants it has a tendency to clump up. This of course affects how slippery it is, and it doesn’t feel very good. Is there something about these two products that makes them incompatible? What should I do–discontinue one of them? The Replens was suggested by my doctor, but it isn’t perfect by itself for intercourse. I am used to the slippery feel of lube. –Not So Slick

Dear NSS,

With respect to your doctor, unless there is a substantial reason for you to use Replens, I wouldn’t recommend it. I popped into the drugstore to read that product’s ingredients list, and while I couldn’t work out the exact chemical reaction that would cause the clumping you’ve noticed, I am betting that the oils contained in Replens are your culprit. Since you have used water-based sex lubes before, I assume you know that they can bead up when the water in them begins to evaporate. The resulting clumps resemble little balls of rubber cement–which go away when you add a bit more moisture to replace the water. This may be all that is happening when you add Replens, but the fact remains that Replens contains oil–not something I ever recommend women use vaginally, since for many women oil will gunk up the vagina’s natural self-cleaning mechanism. You may be one of those women who can use oils with no problem, but that still leaves your strange lube-clumping phenomenon. If you want, you can try a silicone lube with the Replens and see whether those ingredients are more compatible, but my suggestion is to discontinue the Replens and ask your doctor for some other suggestions that will deal with your vaginal dryness without the use of oils. In fact, it may be enough to use just your lube.

In an aside–and this annoys me profoundly–I find that the Replens box says the product is compatible with condoms. I’ll tell you, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Oil is never compatible with condoms, especially mineral oil –which Replens includes. (It contains palm oil, too.) If you and your doctor have rejected hormone replacement therapy, you might want to look into upping your intake of plant estrogens like soy; they may make a difference in your dryness problem. Also, there is a lubricant called Born Again which may work for you. It is a little hard to find, but may be worth the search; its formula includes plant estrogens.

Dear Carol,

I was hoping you could tell me something specific about the experience I have when I use a vibrator, which is that I can sometimes go numb from it. I use a Magic Wand and I love the feeling of the vibration and the orgasms it gives me, but it seems that if I go numb something must be wrong, or that maybe I might be doing it wrong or I am going to injure myself. Have you heard of this before? Can you tell me why this happens? Should I be worried? Is there anything I can do? –Vibe Slut

Dear VS,

Well, if you are earning your name, you are using your Magic Wand for a long time and really getting into it, right? And that’s when the numbness happens. Two factors are most likely combining to cause your experience. The first is simple pressure. Have you noticed that your hand goes numb if you lean on it or have it tucked under your body when you sleep? The pressure on it can cause numbness, and the numbness usually goes away shortly after the pressure is relieved. (If it doesn’t, it could be a sign of a real problem.) When you use your vibrator, I’m guessing that you use a fair amount of pressure, at least part of the time. If you can teach yourself to vary the pressure a bit, moving the vibe around instead of keeping it focused right on your clit, you won’t have such a problem with numbness.

The other thing you may be experiencing is an interesting neural phenomenon. There are specialized nerve endings for our different senses, and for many of the various sensations we experience. For example, different nerve endings carry the sense of light touch vs. the sensation of deep pressure. The nerve endings that respond most to vibration are found in great numbers around the clit–don’t anybody ever try to tell me that vibrator use is unnatural–but, interestingly, the way the body reads vibration is similar to the way it reads numbness. The solution is exactly the same–vary your pressure–because pressure with vibration exacerbates the issue.

The numbness you experience is not dangerous, unless it persists long after your session with the vibrator has ended. Try varying vibration with other sensations, too, like cupping your hand over your vulva and gently shaking–that will bring the blood back into the tissue and will likely help prevent or minimize the numb feeling. You might also try using your vibe through a piece of fabric, perhaps a washable fake fur, to see whether diffusing and cushioning the vibration helps. But you are experiencing a very common phenomenon, and if the numbness happens just while you’re vibing, I wouldn’t worry.