Dear Carol,

I wrote to you about a year ago and asked you about the lumps that I found above my testis. I was afraid it was cancer. But I didn’t go and see a doctor as I always had the feeling that the doctor was gay and that he just wanted to touch me. But now that thing on my testis is larger in size. So I went to see the doctor on my campus. He just pressed on it and he told me not to worry about that because it’s not cancer, it’s hydrocele. What is hydrocele? I searched on the Web and I found that it’s only for boys. I’m 24.

I didn’t ask the doctor anything more because he was acting so weird. He kept asking me about my sex experiences.

He said it’s okay to ignore it, or he could remove it for me. I don’t have medical insurance. Is it possible for him to tell that it is not cancer just by pressing on it without any blood test or anything? Please help. –Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Although hydrocele can affect infants and kids, adult males get it too. It’s a fairly common condition that can result from scrotal injury, infection–or for no apparent reason. The way it’s diagnosed is usually on palpation (that’s physician-speak for "by feel"), so your doctor probably didn’t feel the need to perform further tests. A hydrocele is a fluid-filled mass that should feel quite a bit different from a possibly cancerous cyst or tumor. The Mayo Clinic online FAQ about hydrocele says it feels something like a plastic bag with water in it–inside a testicle, that is. A membrane within your testicle is filling with fluid; it may reabsorb on its own, or it may get larger.

It’s possible your doctor asked about your sex experiences to learn something about the potential cause of your hydrocele–remember, it can be associated with infection. If he was indeed "acting weird" (for reasons other than physical exam-related activities), it would have been appropriate for you to tell him to stop. You could seek a second opinion at a free or low-cost health clinic, or see whether there is someone else at your student health center you can see. If that would reassure you, there is every reason to do it. But hydrocele is a benign condition that affects many men. If it’s large, you might want to get it drained or surgically removed, but if the doctor doesn’t think it’s a problem, it probably isn’t.

Hi Carol,

I was just rereading one of my Best American Erotica books and came across your story. I actually stared at your name for a full ten seconds before I realized why it sounded familiar! I don’t know why I never realized you were the Carol Queen! So, since you have experience in these things, I have a question for you. By total coincidence (if there is such a thing), I had just come to the decision that once I receive my AA in December, I’m going to take a semester off to write. One of the things I’d like to write is women’s erotica, similar to the stories found in BAE and Herotica. Would you have any advice on how to get started in the big bad world of getting material published? People to contact? Publishers to try for? Procedures for getting accepted into anthologies? That kind of thing. I know you’re a busy woman but any help you can give this creative soul would be awesome and greatly appreciated. Thank you! And Blessed Be. –LJ

Dear LJ,

Oh, heavens. I’m actually only one of the Carol Queens–there are at least two more floating around the country, and I sometimes wonder if I am embarrassing them roundly. (For that matter, I may be helping them get dates.)

The Writing Salon in San Francisco holds writing workshops on a lot of topics, including erotic writing. These can also be found sometimes at Good Vibrations and even the Learning Annex. When you take such a workshop, there will usually be a handout with publishers’ information. But you can also browse the erotica section of your favorite bookstore and look for books that appeal to you. Erotica series like Best American Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica, and Herotica often include a page with contact information for the editor. Write or e-mail to ask for writers’ guidelines. Ditto if you see a publisher you like that puts out a lot of erotic work. The smaller the publisher, the more likely your querying them will do you good, but it never hurts to try. Online erotic zines sometimes list calls for submissions for erotic anthologies. You can also publish your stories for no pay (or for a little) in zines and online; you may get noticed by people who want to put you in bigger books or magazines that actually pay something. That’s the way I got started, and anyone who pooh-poohs it as a strategy because it doesn’t involve immediate recompense shouldn’t be going into writing as a career anyway–there’s usually not enough money in it to quibble, and if you’re not doing it for love and to connect with an audience, pshaw. Write what you love; the money might or might not follow, but you will be happier for focusing on a writing practice that gives you pleasure. If it gives you pleasure, it will likely give others pleasure too.